An Exhaustive List Of Correct Ways To Do Things
Surely I'm not the only one that feels that certain things must be done in certain specific ways, and that anyone who does not do those certain things in those certain specific ways is completely, utterly wrong.
Here are the things that I do correctly, in the only proper way in which they should be done:
- Loading the dishwasher: big things in the bottom rack; cups arranged on the top rack near the front; forks and spoons alternating, interspersed with knives; peelers, measuring cups, and other small items arranged in optimal, space-saving configurations.
- When leaving the house, verifying that these things are in my pockets, in this exact order: phone, keys, wallet, and handkerchief.
- Using the Oxford comma.
- Cutting my nails: right hand first, pinky to thumb, then left hand, again pinky to thumb.
- Right sock, left sock, right shoe, left shoe. Sock/shoe/sock/shoe is patently incorrect and a monstrous aberration.
- Start the car, buckle my seat belt, remove the parking brake, move gear shift to drive. Who in their right mind would put on a seat belt in a stopped car?
- When showering, soap from the bottom to the top - legs to face. Also, buttoning shirts bottom to top. Resist top down approaches in all things.
- Foam rolling my quads and hamstrings before and after a workout, even on upper body days.
- When reading a physical book, placing the bookmark on the page before the one at which I stop reading. Rereading the previous page has the same effect as the recap in a TV episode.
- Eating all the crust of a sandwich so that the last few bites contain no crust anymore. Crust-less bites are the best ones.
- Sticking the pen cap on the back of the pen while writing. Seriously, how on earth do people lose pen caps?
- Pairing socks by size, color, and pattern. Unmatched socks are the laundry room manifestation of the devil himself.
- Ending a list of things with a self-referential entry pertaining to the list itself.